Writing

When I very first began writing, I thought that it would be completely and absolutely brilliant, and I would be able to dictate everything that would happen, and that everything would fit into perfect little pieces, and nothing would ever happen that I didn't want.

Well, for those first few years, that's what it was like. Quite enjoyable, really, as everyone's lives fit into the perfect little niches I had created for them. Sure, there was a little bit of pain, a few people died, but I never got really heart wrenching and deep. Overall, it was a light, happy story. It did have its intense moments that I clearly remember, but it wasn't quite Lord of the Rings.

Then I began to have a bit more depth in my writings, and things took on a deeper edge. I began to incorporate more emotion and feelings, as well as action and, occasionally, romance.

And still, thing were going well in my world of stories. People died when I wanted them to, and other people stayed as they were. We found out many intense things about intense characters, and while occasionally things got a little confusing (I tend to majorly complicate my characters lives), they remained like I wanted them. Of course, there were many times when I restarted a story over fifty times, but that never worried me. I became a little nervous when I started discovering ways to tie many of my writings together, and more and more began to have endings that tied together in ways that I couldn't have imagined when I began them, but still, things were neat and orderly. Well, as much as they can be for me.

Then I began to lose track of one of my character's lives. While slightly disturbed by this, I still didn't worry too much, because his life had always been a little confusing, and his character fits a confusing life. So I let it go, and continued with other, more pressing things.

And the next time I checked up on the character. . . HIS LIFE HAD GONE INSANE.

Suddenly, only half the things I wanted to happen could be possibly, and plot twists and new characters, as well as other things I could never imagine, abruptly began popping out of nowhere. In panic, I searched through my notes, and wondered how the heck I had lost control of a story that had once seemed so straightforward.

Do you have any notion how frustrating it is to know that there are seven things you really, really, really want, and only one of them can happen, and that just happens to be the most heartbreaking and tragic of all the things? That is EXTREMELY frustrating.

Oh, how many, many times I have tried to rectify this little situation I have found myself in, and I still haven't found the medium I want to make everything work, and still keep myself happy.

So I had this disturbing turn of events to deal with, which, while I knew it was something I had to work on, I allowed things to be a bit more relaxed, hoping with a fervor that a flash of brilliant inspiration would rescue me from my predicament.

Er, that hasn't happened yet.

Oh well.

Anyhow, with my mind somewhat preoccupied with this little problem, I continued with my writing. Once more, things were going well.

Then I started another story. This one was almost entirely laid out, and the ending was beautifully organized. I knew who my bad person was, though at the time I didn't know his history. I knew what my characters did, and I had all these nice little back stories and side stories that I could use.

Then a new character entered the story.

Before I knew it, he was the main character, though it doesn't appear so at first. But hey, I was cool with that, because, let's admit it, he was an awesome character, and he did a great job being who he was. So I incorporated him into the story, changed a few things, and soon, all the scenes with him in were the most intense, heartbreaking and touching scenes. And a little bit of romance sprung up too.

Then, completely out of the blue, some warrior shows up and steals the show. But she is freaking amazing, so I don't really mind. It was just weird. Because two people who weren't even there when I first started the story are now vitally important characters, and the characters with which I can have the most emotion.

But still, I was happy.

I didn't realize that this story wasn't mine either until someone up and died on me when I was creating families for my main characters. But it became essential for this to happen, so that I could have this wonderfully happy ending that tied people together even more than they were already tied together. And suddenly, things were so much better than they had been.

And it was then that I figured out that I had better be quiet and let whoever is really writing this story get to work.

Sad, though, that even when you create the story, you still can't have everything you want. . .